Cum să găsești dragostea în autoizolare

Even if you are a little over 30, you have an unsuccessful marriage behind you, and two children have tripled a pillow fight on the couch, there is still hope to find your prince. The self-isolation regime has made significant adjustments to our lives – now you won’t go to a coffee shop to sit with a book, and in the evening to shoot at a restaurant with your eyes around in search of handsome bachelors. Now you have to arrange your personal life remotely. A matchmaker with 30 years of experience, an experienced coach and a professional psychologist gave advice on how not to get into trouble and find “the one” destined by fate.

Pasul 1: prioritizează

Oddly enough, but the search for the betrothed must begin … with yourself. First decide: what do you want in life? Leave the children to a nanny and build a career? Leave the office and go headlong into the family, give birth to three more and cook delicious treats from morning to night? Travel all year round, moving with your family from one heavenly place to another? Decided? Now think: what is stopping you from making your dream come true and what kind of man should be there for it to become a reality.

– Many women, including single mothers, are waiting for a prince to appear in their lives and solve all their problems. This is fundamentally wrong – a man has his own problems, why does he need yours? – thinks coach, game engineer, author of transformational, business games and metaphorical cards Anna Seglina. – First, understand yourself, prioritize, focus on the important, then start searching.

Self-isolation has significantly expanded the possibilities for dating: everything is remote, which means online – communicate for health, not only with gentlemen from your city, but throughout Our Country and even with foreigners.

– Soberly assess your capabilities in advance: education, knowledge of the language, culture, etiquette, try to understand what is important and valuable you can give a man. Think about which country you are really ready to move to, if everything turns out perfectly, Anna Seglina advises. – Be prepared for the difference in mentality: for example, in Italy you will have to come to terms with the importance of family traditions and the fact that your husband’s mother will be in charge in the house. In Iceland, on the contrary, the priority is partnerships and in restaurants everyone pays for himself.

Specific

1. Fill out your profile meaningfully, reflect your strengths in it, choose a photo where you turned out well, but still look like yourself in everyday life.
2. Look for a real person, not a prince: agree, most likely, your betrothed is not a general, not an oil tycoon or a superman.
3. Carefully study the photo of the man you like in the profile, check it with the help of search engines for originality.
4. During communication, ask to send you photos from the category “where are you now”, be sure to use video communication. Photos taken in the bathroom, cropped photos, refusal to communicate via video calls and constantly busy weekends are sure signs that your hero is not free or impersonating someone else.
5. If you want to make sure that a man is honest with you, register a couple more profiles on the same site, let them be better than yours. Look at the page to your potential boyfriend, but do not take the first step. If he writes to you first, begins to scatter in compliments, then probably you are the first not so interested in him that he stopped searching for a lady of the heart. Such an acquaintance should be stopped.

Step 2: The search must be active

During the period of self-isolation, the number of clients at marriage agencies increased: what to do if the grooms themselves do not line up?

– I had a client – a young woman who could not find anyone – men lost interest as soon as they found out that she had two children, – says the owner of the Metkiy Cupid marriage agency, matchmaker with 30 years of experience Svetlana Radaeva. – Three years passed until she “ripe” me, finally, to listen. And I already have a trained eye: I offer her a man, and she: “Oh, he’s not my type, some kind of thin.” I tell her: “Here, go get acquainted, if you don’t like it, come in – we’ll pick another one.” And what do you think? Happy couple, married, together for 4 years.

Today, the market for marriage services offers many ways to narrow down the search for “the one”: numerology will help you find a suitable gentleman by date of birth, physiognomy – to weed out perverts, pathological liars and men prone to violence, tarot cards – to clarify the future a little, and the exotic program “Antikhvarna” – to determine the signs of “degeneration” by the sign of the zodiac and features of appearance – the shape of the ears, hair color, birthmarks.

“As a specialist in this matter, I can say that a bald man, whose zodiac sign is a lion, is a very bad person,” says Radaeva. – Each sign has its own characteristics, in order to figure out what’s what, you need to contact specialists.

Matchmaker’s advice, or “do’s and don’ts”

1. You can’t look for a mate on a dating site – this is a hotbed of scammers and people who are not in the mood for a serious relationship – there are 90% of them. You can use social networks for these purposes: go to VKontakte, type in the search engine in the “active search”, set the gender, age and carefully study the pages of men you like: photos, what groups he belongs to, what music he listens to, look for those with whom you have similar tastes.
2. Don’t write first. Put likes – that’s enough. It is better to choose a few “objects” for yourself from among those who are friends with your friends. So the man will see that you have mutual friends, he will be interested. If he likes you, he will write. If communication starts, you can ask this mutual friend whether it is worth spending time on your “object”.
3. Don’t post your entire life story at once. The list of taboo topics includes former relationships, financial difficulties and loans. It will be possible to talk about all this after sex, or better, after several similar “continued” dates. And before that, talk about hobbies, look for common topics for conversation.
4. You can’t show hyper-concern for children, otherwise the man will decide that he will always be in second and further place and just run away. We can say that they are smart, talented, and most importantly, independent. Children, of course, also need to be mentally prepared for the fact that the mother has the right to privacy.
5. Do not let a man live with you shortly after meeting you – you can run into a gigolo, which will be very difficult to get rid of. You can agree to visit him yourself (having warned in advance, say, a close friend about where you will be), so you can conduct “reconnaissance in force”: see if he is neat in everyday life, whether his hands are growing from the right place, and the main thing is whether she is really lonely: women’s slippers and a bathrobe, of course, can belong to her mother, but the likelihood that the wife is in the country and the man is just looking for adventure is very high in this case.

Pasul 3: Aveți încredere în intuiția dvs

– It is possible and necessary to communicate and arrange personal life during the period of self-isolation, – I am sure Associate Professor of the Department of Philosophy of the Samara State Medical University, psychologist Nina Kovalyunas. – Normal men who need love and communication are also now in self-isolation, they are also looking for love, and many do not care if a woman has children, whether she was married, because the main thing is to find “your” person.

But here a significant problem appears: at a personal meeting, a woman can understand whether a man is suitable for her, almost immediately – smells, intonations, touches come to the rescue. Now it’s more difficult with this – communication has moved to instant messengers. Video calls allow you to somehow evaluate the appearance, but the shades of voice and everything else remains what is called “behind the scenes”, so you can be deceived in your best expectations.

“On the Internet, women can easily “invent” the image of a partner, embarrassed to ask and clarify what really interests her,” states Nina Kovalyunas. – Therefore, psychologists advise, even in the case of online dating, to follow the rule of “at least three” dates before you understand for sure whether or not you should reject the applicant for the hand and heart.

Yes, dating in self-isolation is difficult now, but the Internet allows you to watch a movie together remotely and “go to the theater” – everything is available, you just have to want to. Or, on the contrary, you can remember the old secrets of seduction: letters written by hand on scented paper, the exchange of your favorite books by mail with notes in the margins – how did our ancestors communicate before information technology? The main thing here is not to overdo it and not to frighten off the boyfriend with your extraordinary approach.

Sfatul unui profesionist

How to recognize a liar

– When communicating on the Internet, you can easily “run into” a scammer or gigolo. And they know how to turn women’s craving for romance to their advantage: beautiful words, endless compliments, tearful stories. In order not to fall into the trap, it is better to use trusted sites and groups on the Internet, plus be careful not to reveal too much about yourself.

In personal communication, a liar can be given out by inconsistency in verbal and non-verbal signals: the body language of such people often contradicts body language. On the Internet, you need to pay attention to logical inconsistencies, contradictions in stories about yourself. Trust your intuition: if she says “something is wrong with him”, then it probably is.

You should also be alerted by violent declarations of love on a 1-2 date, promises that a person is clearly unable to fulfill, requests to borrow some money and offers to move in as soon as possible.