Mărturii: acești tătici care și-au luat concediu pentru creșterea copilului

Julien, father of Léna, 7 months: “It was important to spend more time with my daughter than with my colleagues the first months. “

“We had a little girl named Léna on October 8th. My partner, a civil servant, used her maternity leave until the end of December, then leave for the month of January. To be with them, I first took an 11-day paternity leave. It was our first month at three. And then I continued with a parental leave of 6 months, until the end of August with my vacation. We made the decision by mutual agreement. After her maternity leave, my partner was delighted to resume her work, which is a stone’s throw from us. Given our context, that is to say the absence of a nursery before the next school year and my 4 hours and 30 minutes of transport per day, it was a coherent decision. And then, we were going to be able to see each other more often than before. Suddenly, I discovered myself as a dad on a daily basis, I who knew nothing about children. I learn to cook, I take care of household chores, I change a lot of diapers… I take naps at the same time as my daughter to be in good shape when she is. I like to walk with her 2 or 3 hours a day in a stroller, rediscover my city while stocking up on souvenirs – for her and for me – taking many photos. There is something moving about sharing these six months that she will inevitably forget… But in the end, I have a lot less time than expected for more personal things. Too bad, it will only grow once! It was important to spend more time with my daughter than with my colleagues for the first months of her life. It allows me to take advantage of her a little, because when I return to work, given my schedules, I will hardly see her again. Parental leave is a monumental break in the ” pre-child ” routine, in the routine of work. Another routine sets in, with diapers to change, bottles to give, laundry to throw, dishes to prepare, but also rare, deep and unexpected moments of pleasure.

6 months, it goes quickly

Everyone says it and I confirm it, six months goes quickly. It’s like a TV series that we love and that lasts only one season: we savor each episode. Sometimes the lack of social life weighs a bit. The fact of not talking to other adults… The nostalgia for the “life before” sometimes arises. The one where you could go out in a snap, without spending an hour getting everything ready, without having to anticipate the feeding times, etc. But I’m not complaining, because it will all come back soon. And at that moment, I will nostalgia for these privileged moments spent with my daughter… I dread the end of the leave, as one dreads the end of an enchanted parenthesis. It will be hard, but it is the normal course of things. And that will do us both good. At the nursery, Léna will be ready to start to stand on her own feet, or even to walk with her little paws! ” 

Ludovic, 38, father of Jeanne, 4 and a half months: “The first week, I found it much more tiring than work! “

“I started my 6-month parental leave in March for my first child, a little girl born in January. My wife and I have no family in the Paris region. Suddenly, that limited the choices. And since it was our first child, we didn’t have the heart to put her in the nursery at 3 months. We are both civil servants, she in the territorial civil service, I in the state civil service. She works in town hall, in a position of responsibility. It was complicated for her to be away too long, especially since she earns more than me. Suddenly, the financial criterion played. For six months, we have to live on a single salary, with the CAF which pays us between 500 and 600 €. We were ready to take it on, but we might not have been able to if it was my wife who had taken the leave. Financially, we have to be more careful. We anticipated and saved, tightened the vacation budget. I am a prison adviser, in a predominantly female environment. The company is used to women taking parental leave. It was still a little surprised that I left, but I had no negative reaction. The first week, I found it much more tiring than work!

It was time to pick up the pace. I’m happy that she can live and share her first times with me, for example when I made her taste ice cream at the end of a spoon… And it makes me happy to see that sometimes, when I hear her cry and whether she sees or hears me, she calms down.

It’s a lot of comfort

I think parental leave is totally beneficial for the child. We follow our natural rhythm: she sleeps when she wants to sleep, she plays when she wants to play… It’s a lot of comfort, we have no schedules. My wife is reassured that the child is with me. She knows that I take care of it well and that I am 100% available, if she wants to have a photo, if she wonders how it goes… I realized that I had a job where I spoke a lot, and that overnight, I hardly spoke to anyone. It’s all about tweeting with my daughter, and of course chatting with my wife when she comes home from work. It is still a parenthesis in terms of social life, but I tell myself that it is temporary. It’s the same for sport, I had to give up on it, because it’s a bit complicated to organize and find yourself for a while. You have to try to balance between time for your child, time for your relationship and time for yourself. Despite everything, I honestly think that the day I have to take him to the nursery, there will be a little void… But this period allows me to become more involved as a father in the education of my child, c is one way to start getting involved. And so far, the experience is very positive. “

Sébastien, dad of Anna, 1 year and a half: “I had to fight to impose my leave to my wife. “

“When my wife got pregnant with our second child, the idea of ​​parental leave started to germinate in my head. After the birth of my first daughter, I felt like I had missed out on a lot. When we had to leave her in the nursery when she was only 3 months old, it was a real heartbreak. My wife having a very busy professional activity, it was always quite clear that it would be me who would pick up the little one in the evening, who would manage the bath, the dinner, etc. I had to fight to force my leave on him. She told me that it was not necessary, that we could still take a nanny from time to time, and that financially it was going to be complicated. Despite everything, I decided to stop my professional activity for a year. At my work – I am an executive in the public – my decision was very well received. I was certain to find an equivalent position when I returned. Of course, there are always people who look at you with a skeptical air, who don’t understand your choice. A dad who stops working to take care of his children, we find that fishy. This year with my children has been very enriching. I was able to ensure their well-being, their development. I stopped running every morning, every night. My big went back to kindergarten calmly. I was able to save him the long days with the daycare in the evening, the leisure center on Wednesdays, the canteen every day. I also took full advantage of my baby, I was there for all his first times. I was also able to continue to feed her breast milk for longer, a real satisfaction. The difficulties, I cannot avoid them, because there have been many. We had put money aside to compensate for my lack of salary, but it was not enough. So we tightened our belts a bit. Fewer outings, unpretentious vacations … Having time allows you to better calculate expenses, to go to the market, to cook fresh products. I also forged links with a lot of parents, I built a real social life for myself and I even created an association to give advice to parents.

We must weigh the pros and cons

Then the financial constraints left me no choice. I returned to work 80% because I wanted to continue to be there for my daughters on Wednesdays. There is a liberating side to finding a professional life, but it took me a month to pick up the pace, to discover my new functions. Today, it is still me who takes care of the daily life. My wife hasn’t changed her habits, she knows she can rely on me. We find our balance. For her, her career is more important than the rest. I do not regret this experience. However, this is not a decision to be taken lightly. We must weigh the pros and cons, know that we will inevitably lose quality of life but save time. To dads who hesitate, I would say: think carefully, anticipate, but if you feel ready, go for it! “