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Woman’s Day talks about two radically opposite, but incredibly popular around the world, approaches to parenting. Which one is better, you choose.
For most of us, raising children is the most important thing in life, but often we are not ready for it – at least not at school or university. Therefore, parents who feel competent in other areas feel insecure in handling and caring for a child. They can rely on their instincts, but sooner or later they still find themselves in a difficulty: how to take care of the child in the best way?
Prima metodă – “educate by observing” from Deborah Solomon, follower of the famous Magda Gerber, who opened schools for parents around the world. Deborah in her book “The Kid Knows Best” adheres to a simple point of view: the kid himself knows what he needs. From the first days of his life he is a person. And the parents’ job is to observe the development of the baby, to be empathetic and attentive, but not intrusive. Children (even babies) can do a lot on their own: develop, communicate, solve their little problems and calm down. And they do not need all-consuming love and overprotection at all.
Second approach to Parenting from Tracy Hogg, a renowned expert in newborn care who is renowned the world over for “whispering to the young”. She has worked with the children of Hollywood stars – Cindy Crawford, Jodie Foster, Jamie Lee Curtis. Tracy, in her book “Secrets of a Sleeping Mom,” argues that the opposite is true: the baby is not able to understand what he needs. It is up to the parents to guide him and help him, even if he resists. It is necessary to define the boundaries for the baby even in infancy, otherwise there will be problems later.
Now let’s talk about each method in more detail.
Borders, norm and mode of the day
Followers of the Bring Up By Observation method do not recognize the concept of a norm in child development. They do not have clear instructions at what age the child should roll over on his tummy, sit down, crawl, walk. The kid is a person, which means that he develops at his own pace. Parents should be attentive to what their child is doing at this moment, and not evaluate him or compare him with an abstract norm. Hence the special attitude to the daily routine. Deborah Solomon advises to take into account the needs of the baby and satisfy them when required. She considers blind adherence to the daily routine to be stupid.
Tracy Hoggon the contrary, I am sure that all stages of a child’s development can be enclosed in a certain framework, and the life of a baby should be built according to a strict schedule. The upbringing and development of the baby should obey four simple actions: feeding, being active, sleeping, free time for the mother. In that order and every day. Establishing such a mode of life is not easy, but only thanks to it you can properly raise a child, Tracy is sure.
Baby crying and affection for parents
Many parents believe that they need to run to the baby’s crib as soon as possible, only he whimpered a little. Tracy Hogg adheres to just such a position. She is sure that crying is the first language in which a child speaks. And parents shouldn’t ignore him under any circumstances. Turning our backs to the crying baby, we say this: “I don’t care about you.”
Tracy is sure that you should not leave both babies and children over a year old alone for a second, because they may need the help of an adult at any time. She is so sensitive to baby crying that she even offers parents instructions on how to decipher crying.
Too long in one place and without movement? Boredom.
Grimacing and pulling legs up? Flatulence.
Crying inconsolably for about an hour after eating? Reflux.
Deborah Solomon, on the contrary, it advises giving kids freedom. Instead of immediately intervening in what is happening and “saving” your child or solving his problems, she advises to wait a little while the child is crying or whimpering. She is sure that this way the baby will learn to be more independent and confident.
Mom and Dad should teach the baby to calm down on their own, give him the opportunity to sometimes be alone in a safe place. If the parents run to the baby at the first call, then unhealthy attachment to the parents is inevitably formed in him, he unlearns to be alone and does not feel safe if the parents are not around. The ability to feel when to hold on and when to let go is a skill that is required all the time as children grow up.
Tracy Hogg known all over the world for its controversial (but very effective) method of “wake up to sleep.” She advises parents of babies who often wake up at night to specifically wake them up in the middle of the night. For example, if your baby wakes up every night at three o’clock, wake him up an hour before waking up by gently stroking his tummy or sticking a nipple in his mouth, and then walk away. The baby will wake up and fall asleep again. Tracy is sure: by waking up the child an hour earlier, you destroy what has entered his system, and he stops waking up at night.
Tracy also opposes parenting methods such as motion sickness. She considers this a road to haphazard upbringing. The kid gets used to being rocked every time before going to bed and then is no longer able to fall asleep on his own, without physical influence. Instead, she suggests always putting the baby in the crib, and so that he falls asleep, quietly lull and pat the baby on the back.
Deborah Solomon believes that night awakenings are normal for babies, but so that the baby does not confuse day with night, but falls asleep as soon as you feed him, advises not to turn on the overhead light, speak in a whisper and behave calmly.
Deborah is also sure that you should not run to the baby if he suddenly woke up. First, you should wait a little, and only then go to the crib. If you run this very second, the child will become addicted. When I cry, my mother comes. Next time he will cry for no reason, just to get your attention.
Being a parent is perhaps the most difficult thing in life. But if you are consistent, learn to clearly set boundaries and limits, listen to your child’s desires, but do not follow his lead, then the process of growing up will be pleasant for both of you. Raising by adhering to strict rules, or observing, giving the baby quite a lot of freedom, is the choice of every parent.
Based on materials from books și ".