Cuprins
“There is nothing in life more important and valuable than finding yourself. When I did this, I realized that fatigue does not exist. My grandson of 13 years says to me: “Grandmother, you are my main spiritual mentor.” You must agree that this is a very serious statement for a boy of this age, ” says Anna Gaikalova, a writer, educator and specialist from the Pro-Mama center. She told the foundation “Change one Life” the story of adoption in her family and how this family became strong and happy. Earlier, Anna, as a specialist, shared with uswhat the “quality of life” really is and how adoption can change a person’s self-esteem.
“You don’t have to be a saint to shelter someone else’s child»
Foster children came to me as a result of my work in an orphanage. In perestroika times, I had a very good job. When the whole country was without food, we had a full refrigerator, and I even “defrosted”, brought food to friends. But it was still not the same, I felt that it was not satisfying.
In the morning you wake up and realize that you are empty. Because of this, I left commerce.The money was there, and I could afford not to work for a while. I studied English, engaged in non-traditional practices.
And once in the temple of Kosma and Damian in Shubino, I saw in an ad a photo of a girl who is now a symbol of “Pro-mom”. Under it was written “You don’t have to be a saint to shelter someone else’s child.” I called the specified phone number the next day, said that I can not shelter, because I have a grandmother, a dog, two children, but I can help. It was the 19th orphanage, and I began to come there to help. We sewed curtains, sewed buttons to shirts, washed windows, there was a lot of work.
And one day there came a day when I had to either leave or stay. I realized that if I left, I would lose everything. I also realized that I had been going there all my life. And after that, we had three children.
First we took them to foster care — they were 5,8 and 13 years old-and then adopted them. And now no one believes that any of my children are adopted.
There were many difficult situations
We also had the hardest adaptation. It is believed that until the end of the adaptation, the child should live with you as much as he lived without you. So it turns out: 5 years-up to 10, 8 years – up to 16, 13 years – up to 26.
It seems that the child has become a home, and again something happens and he “crawls” back. We must not despair and understand that the development is undulating.
It would seem that so much effort is invested in a small person, and in the transition age, suddenly he begins to hide his eyes, and you see: something is wrong. We undertake to find out and understand: the child begins to feel inferior, because he knows that he is adopted. Then I would tell them the stories of unsaved children who are unhappy in their own families and offer to mentally change places with them.
There were many difficult situations… And their mother came and said that she would take them away, and they “broke the roof”. And they lied, and stole, and tried to sabotage everything in the world. And they quarreled, and fought, and fell into hatred.
My experience as a teacher, my character and the fact that my generation was brought up with moral categories gave me strength to overcome all this. For example, when I was jealous of my blood mother, I realized that I had the right to experience this, but I had no right to show it, because it is harmful to children.
I tried to constantly emphasize the status of the pope, so that the man was respected in the family. My husband supported me, but there was an unspoken condition that I was responsible for the relationship of the children. It is important that the world is in the family. Because if the father is dissatisfied with the mother, the children will suffer.
Developmental delay is an informative hunger
The adopted children also had difficulties with their health. At the age of 12, the adopted daughter had her gallbladder removed. My son had a severe concussion. And the smallest one had such headaches that she just turned gray from them. We ate differently, and for a long time there was a “fifth table” on the menu.
There was, of course, a developmental delay. But what is developmental delay? This is an informative hunger. This is absolutely naturally present in every child from the system. This means that the environment could not provide the right number of instruments for our orchestra to play fully.
But we had a little secret. I am convinced that every person on earth has his or her share of trials. And one day, in a difficult moment, I said to my guys: “Children, we are lucky: our trials came to us early. We will learn how to overcome them and stand up. And with this baggage of ours, we will be stronger and richer than the children who did not have to endure it. Because we will learn to understand other people.”