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The kids don’t study well, the husband drinks, and the neighbor complains that your dog barks too loudly. And you are sure that all this is happening because of you: you are raising children poorly, depriving your husband of care and devoting little time to dog training. There are people who blame themselves for all the troubles in the world. We tell you how to get rid of this feeling and become happier.
A persistent sense of guilt negatively affects the emotional state. We get so used to this feeling that we often blame ourselves for things we are not really guilty of. Most of the time, you yourself cultivate guilt in your brain. You do this because of strange ideas and expectations that you yourself have come up with.
Get rid of guilt and become your own best friend with a three-week plan shared by Susan Krauss Whitburn, professor of neuroscience at the University of Massachusetts (USA), author of studies and books.
Week One: Finding Guilt Triggers
If you learn to recognize the moment when you start to feel guilty, you will already half solve the problem.
1. Fix your attention on the moment when the feeling of guilt is just emerging.
Try to understand what exactly causes it (you failed to do the job on time, spent a lot of money). Record your observations in a notebook or make a note on your smartphone.
2. Watch the frequency of the feeling
Do you blame yourself every day for spending too much money on lunch? Do you find yourself unable to sleep every night because you worry about yelling at your children? Write down how often you blame yourself for the same things.
3. At the end of the week, identify what you regularly blame yourself for.
What makes you feel guilty more than once in the past week? What exactly upsets you the most?
Second week: changing perspective
If you do not want to separate yourself from guilt and “rise” above it, try to push it aside at least a little, look at it from the side and try to explain.
1. Think or say out loud what you would like to do differently
Relate to work differently or become more practical. You don’t have to run right away and do something that will change your life dramatically, but the moment you start talking about it, you start to change.
2. Analizează-ți emoțiile
Guilt, sadness and anxiety are links in the same chain. When you are upset or depressed, you begin to criticize yourself. Try asking yourself, “Does it make sense that I feel guilty right now? Or am I just letting my emotions rule me?
3. Allow yourself to be wrong
Perfectionism stimulates guilt. Admit to yourself that you are not perfect, just like your wife, mother or friend.
Third week: getting rid of the little things
It is foolish to convince yourself that you will no longer blame yourself for any nonsense. However, it is useful to learn to understand when not to make an elephant out of a fly. Try not to focus on minor things.
1. Change your attitude about what is happening
You left the office too early, despite the fact that you did not have time to finish important things. Remind yourself that you left the office at this time for a reason, but because of a doctor’s appointment you made a month ago.
2. Treat your mistakes with humor
You did not have time to bake a cake and had to buy a ready-made dessert? Say: «And how am I going to look people in the eye now?»
3. Look for the good in every situation
Haven’t found the time to wrap presents for your loved ones for the New Year? But we spent a lot of time choosing these gifts.