Cuprins
Is it normal for a child to sleep with their parents?
In order not to have unnecessary trouble in the future, you need to correctly place accents from the moment the newborn appeared in the house. It is optimal even before his birth to purchase a crib for the baby and install it in a convenient place. However, often even with a good crib, the mother still puts the child with her in bed. And breastfeeding is more convenient – you don’t have to get up, and in general – the soul is in place. But the main thing is not to leave it in habits.
– Co-sleeping can be normal up to 2 years. And by the way, postponing a child up to 2 years is much easier than doing it later, notes child psychologist, neuropsychologist Natalia Dorokhina. – If you delay the moment, various problems already begin to occur. For example, if joint sleep is extended to a later age, the child develops, as it is called in psychology, a libidinal attraction, and in the future he may have problems in the sexual sphere. And yet, if joint sleep is delayed, then the problem of separation, that is, the separation of the child from the parents, can be multiplied by two.
So, if the child had a crib for newborns, it should simply be replaced with a bed according to age. And if there was none at all and the baby slept with his parents from birth, or there was an extra bed, then by the age of 2 years the child should have his own bed.
“You don’t have to have your own room – after all, not everyone has living conditions, but the baby should have his own separate bed,” our expert emphasizes.
Weaning a child to sleep with parents
If the baby has been sleeping under the same blanket with his mother since birth, sudden changes can become stressful. How to quickly and at the same time non-traumatically wean a child from sleeping with his parents?
– It affects the mood of the parents. They must believe in the resource of the child, that he can sleep well alone, says Natalya Dorokhina. – And in general, the whole family system is important: does the child have contact with parents during the day, does the mother hug the child, is she emotionally open to him. If this is not there or it is not enough, then co-sleeping can be an important component for a child, when he gets the necessary closeness with his parents, gets what he lacked during the day. Therefore, first of all, in order to safely and quickly wean a child from sleeping with parents, you need to check these points: is the child psychologically ready and does he receive enough love and affection during the day.
We accustom the child to his own bed
How to do it in just two steps?
Pasul 1: Buy a bed, install it in the apartment and give your baby some time to get used to it. It is necessary to tell the child that this is his bed, his bed, where he will sleep.
Pasul 2: Take and put the child in a separate bed.
“At first, the mother can be nearby, stroking the child, saying that everything is fine,” notes the child psychologist. “At this moment, you can’t leave anywhere, leave. The mother’s task is to contain the child’s emotions, that is, to help him cope with negative emotions, because he can worry, be afraid. But if the parents initially behave correctly, prepare the baby in advance for his own bed, give the necessary emotional and physical nourishment, usually there are no difficulties. Problems appear when there are difficulties in the family system: for example, if the father is somehow excluded from this system, the mother is emotionally cold or it is difficult to experience the emotions of the child.
Work on the mistakes: the child sleeps with the parents again
It would seem that there is nothing complicated. And, most likely, the child will quickly get used to the new conditions. But often there are errors that lead to problems.
– The main mistake is that the parent is not internally ready for the laying off of the child, and as soon as he encounters the first indignation of his child, he immediately returns him to his bed. As soon as this happens, the mechanism works: the child understands that if he is again put separately, and he shows discontent, most likely, his mother will return him back to his bed. Instability and inconsistency is one of the most common mistakes parents make, says our expert. – The second common mistake is when parents pull until the age of the child, when he no longer imagines that you can sleep separately from your parents. In his worldview there is such a system that his mother is inseparable from him. This is where separation problems come in.
Surely among our readers there will be those who will say: my son himself expressed a desire to sleep separately. And since parents often share their experiences with each other on forums and playgrounds, a stereotype is born that a child at a certain age decides for himself that he is ready to sleep separately. But is it right?
“To be honest, there are children who already at the age of 2 show a desire to sleep separately, but often this is simply shifting responsibility onto the child,” emphasizes Natalia Dorokhina. – And it happens that 12-year-old children sleep next to their parents. But this is already a very big problem. In general, there is much more psychology in co-sleeping than it might seem at first glance. Weaning a child to sleep in a parent’s bed will not work if the parent is not ready internally. And if you wean aggressively, do not accept the feelings of the child, ignore his fears, this can be traumatic. But if the mother puts the baby away and is there, supporting him, giving him the closeness he needs during the day, everything should go smoothly.