Temperamente diferite: dacă un partener își dorește sexul mai mult decât tine

Nimic personal

Differences in temperament are common for many couples. And even if your proposals are rejected more often than they arouse the interest of a loved one, it is worth reminding yourself more often that this, in most cases, has nothing to do with losing interest in you.

The problem may lie in the features of physiology: for example, the lack of certain hormones. It can also be psychological difficulties that are reflected in the low need for intimacy. Chances are your partner is suffering too. After all, he would also like to easily give what you lack so much, and, for his part, feels insolvent and guilty. Even if he doesn’t talk about it.

Be mindful of platonic relationships

If you are a man and your partner has less need for intimacy than you, try to surround her with special care and attention. For many women, this is directly related to physical attraction.

Try to do as much as possible of what makes her happy and makes her feel loved and protected: call or send messages more often saying that you think of her. Initiate joint trips to her favorite places, send flowers as a surprise.

You most likely feel rejected and even betrayed. Therefore, to all this you will want to answer that the last thing you are capable of now is tenderness and care. However, this may be the key to making your spouse feel attracted as well.

You have only two ways: move away from your partner, punishing him with coldness, or, on the contrary, become more attentive. All my experience with couples suggests that attention is the best aphrodisiac.

The same tactic will work if you are a woman and want to make your sexual relationship with your loved one more intense. Complaints and criticism have only a negative impact. He may not answer anything, but he feels guilty and begins to ignore you not only in the sexual sphere, but also emotionally.

So why not try to look at the situation differently? Try to be kinder to your loved one. Speak pleasant words more often, make compliments, thank you for small manifestations of attention. And don’t be quick to criticize. If the situation drags on, you can start a conversation, but very delicately. And it’s important to start not with the fact that you are no longer satisfied in bed, but to ask if something is oppressing him? Let him know that you are ready to listen and provide support.

Focus on something else

Stop initiating sex and generally show a noticeable interest in this side of the relationship. Sometimes it just takes a partner more time to feel that need again. Give him the opportunity to take the initiative first. Moreover, it will be easier to do this as soon as he feels that the pressure from your side has disappeared. Your unexpected detachment and the feeling of freedom that your partner will experience can awaken desire.

Take care of your interests. Most likely, you have been so focused on the problems in your relationship that you forgot about your own world. Resume sports, meet friends more often. A loving partner, after a while, will begin to lack your presence and want to become a full part of your life again.

uită-te înapoi

When you first met, was sex more passionate and frequent? Remember what your loved one especially liked at that time, and try to reproduce it.

More non-sex touch

This advice is for men. Women often complain that partners perceive touch as part of foreplay. Women want hugs and kisses outside of the bedroom, not just during sex. If this is similar to your couple, try to be attentive in these manifestations. The main thing is that you thereby break the existing pattern of behavior, in which one demands, and the other defends. The desire to reach out to her soul will help awaken her body.

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If the physiological constitutions do not match, your half will not always be able to fulfill your sexual fantasies and desires. Treat it as an alternative to sex.

If these tips don’t work, be honest

My experience with couples shows that if the parties do not find understanding and remain in the roles of criticizing and defending, then the partner with a higher sexual temperament either begins to change or ends the relationship. Happy reunions after such episodes are rare. Before you decide on this measure, make sure that the partner understands what will happen if you do not find a compromise.

Never threaten a loved one in the heat of a quarrel, do not blame or criticize, but say that your constant dissatisfaction makes you unhappy and pushes you to do what you do not want to do. Explain that this is not a threat, but an honest confession, and that you want to find a compromise. Ask a partner to help you.

About the author: Michelle Weiner-Davies is a family psychologist and sexologist.