Cuprins
Autonomy in children: from experiences to independence
In a December 2015 IPSOS survey, commissioned by Danone, parents revealed their perceptions of their children’s autonomy. The majority of them replied that “the first steps and the first school year were the most significant stages for children aged 2 to 6”. Other interesting elements: a large proportion of parents consider that knowing how to eat or drink alone and be clean were strong indicators of autonomy. Anne Bacus, clinical psychologist, for her part, thinks that it is a process that lasts from birth to adulthood and that one should not take into account only the learning of everyday life. The specialist insists on the importance of the psychological development of the child, and more particularly on all the stages which will lead him towards independence.
The importance of no in development
Very early, around 15 months, the child begins to say “no”. This is the first big step towards autonomy, according to Anne Bacus. The child calls out to his parents by expressing a differentiation. Little by little, he will want to do certain things on his own. “This is a very important step. Parents must respect this momentum and encourage their toddler to do it alone, ”said the psychologist. “These are the basics for gaining good self-esteem and confidence,” she adds. Then around 3 years old, at the age of entering kindergarten, he will oppose and assert his will. “The child shows the desire to be autonomous, it is a spontaneous action: he wants to reach out to others, to explore and to learn. It is necessary, at this time, to respect his desires. This is how autonomy will be put in place, naturally and quickly, ”continues the specialist.
The parent must not oppose
When a child says he wants to tie his shoelaces, dress in his favorite clothes, at 8 am when you have to go to school quickly, it can quickly become complicated for the parent. “Even if it’s not the right time, you shouldn’t oppose your child head-on. It can be seen as if the parent thinks their toddler is not able to do this or that. », Explains Anne Bacus. It is very important that the adult can accommodate the child’s request. And if this is not possible to achieve it right away, you should suggest that he postpone his desire to tie his laces on his own, to another time. “ The important thing is to take into account the momentum of the child and not to say no. The parent must establish a secure framework in his education and find a balance between what is right to do or not, at a given time », Explains Anne Bacus.
The child then gains self-confidence
“The child will acquire a certain self-confidence. Even if he gets angry at first to tie his shoelaces, then, by dint of trying, he will succeed. In the end, he will have a good image of himself and his skills, ”adds Anne Bacus. Positive and warm messages from parents are reassuring for the child. Gradually, he will gain confidence, think and act on his own. It is an essential phase which allows the child to self-regulate and learn to trust himself.
How to help your child take off?
The parent should act as a guide for his child. “He is like a coach in empowering the child. He accompanies him by creating a strong, confident bond, which must be as solid as possible. », Observes the specialist. One of the keys to success is to trust your child, to reassure him to allow him to move away. “The parent can be a support to help their child overcome their fears. Role plays, for example, can overcome it. We play to react in one way or another in the face of danger. It is also valid for the parent besides. He too learns to overcome his apprehension ”, specifies Anne Bacus. The specialist offers other advice to make her child as independent as possible, such as valuing a job well done, or giving him small responsibilities. In the end, the more the child grows, the more he will acquire new skills on his own. Not to mention that the more confident and empowered he feels during his childhood, the more easily he will stand on his own feet as an adult. And this is the mission of every parent …