Cuprins
The statement by former students of the elite Moscow school «League of Schools» that the director and deputy sexually harassed students for 25 years raised a lot of questions. We are not going to look for right and wrong. We want to talk about why such situations arise in closed educational institutions. What will parents have to sacrifice for the sake of a good education? What is acceptable in communication between a teacher and a child? These questions are answered by our experts.
The elite Moscow school «League of Schools» closed in 2014 due to bureaucratic delays. Two years later, the online publication Meduza published Daniil Turovsky, in which this version is refuted. More than 20 former students of the school confessed that for 25 years the director of the school Sergei Bebchuk and his deputy Nikolay Izyumov sexually harassed students. The students gave an ultimatum: close the school or let’s go to court.
The report raised a lot of questions. Why did the students only confess two years after the school closed? How could the other teachers be silent when they see what is going on in the school? Some attacked teachers with angry comments on the Web. Others are sure that the reportage is custom-made. Still others refuse to believe that teachers are capable of such things.
“First of all, the League of Schools has always been about a very good education,” she told us. psychologist, gestalt therapist Sonia Zege von Manteuffel. She has worked in this institution for 14 years, since 1999. — The «League» in its internal structure contradicted all the canons of post-Soviet education. In my memory, every year Bebchuk had to defend something — either the absence of diaries, or study trips and all sorts of bureaucratic cases. And every year it became more and more difficult. Therefore, those who now think that the school was closed because of the scandal, you should know: this is a lie. The «League of Schools» was «strangled» by educational reform.
As for relationships at school, they were different. Each teacher has their own relationship. Interests, likes. Therefore, hugging, the joy of meeting did not seem perverted and fake to me. As a psychologist, I did not see any sexual overtones in this. When the school lives as a single organism, closer communication between people is inevitable. More informal, confidential. And this was very much appreciated inside and somehow «strange» was perceived from the outside.
“I graduated from a special school”: real stories of graduates
Of course, girls fell in love with teachers, not only those mentioned in the article. It is possible that the teachers also fell in love. But I cannot admit that it was for conscious sexual purposes. I am definitely biased, because I actually grew up in this school myself, I came there to work at the age of 26. I know about some stories for educational purposes. I admit that sometimes it is easier for a woman or a girl to show than to inspire morality about their safety.
Directly about the scandal — the story has been going on for about two years. I remember calling students and teachers and collecting «terrible» details. The purpose of this is not to stir up a scandal and «to protect children from the horrors of pedophiles.» This is a good target. But where is the evidence? The ultimatum presented to the teachers looks like blackmail: “You will leave, but we will not say, so as not to defame the League, promise that you will no longer approach the children … Ah, come, well, we will stop you now …” The way this information was collected and in what form they were served, it looked like a mass psychosis.
Now it is difficult for me to look at the situation as an expert, there are too many attitudes and feelings towards the accused and accusers. I know one thing for sure — that this situation is traumatic for all the people of the League of Schools. And no one canceled the presumption of innocence.”
Sergei Bebchuk does not get in touch. But the deputy director, one of the accused by the students, Nikolai Izyumov, is sure that it is impossible to remain silent in this situation.
“I have a firm belief that this whole situation is fabricated,” Nikolai Izyumov told us. “First of all, we closed the school not because of the allegations. The students came to us with an ultimatum in December 2014. At that time, we were already preparing for the closure, because it became impossible to work. We were pressed by the prosecutors, the FSB, because we were always uncomfortable, adhered to liberal views. Therefore, when a group of students led by the head of the theater studio accused us of all mortal sins, we did not argue. It was impossible to talk to them: we were in shock, because all these people are our friends.
We said that we were closing the school anyway, asked us to give us six months. I quit because I couldn’t work — heart problems started because of this situation. Teachers and students came to me every day. They knew about the terrible accusations and were outraged by the behavior of this group of people. Then the school closed, and everything seemed to be over. But two years later, this article appeared with accusations of pedophilia. Such accusations a few years later, in my opinion, are a desire for revenge. Just for what?
“Yes, with some of the teachers, the children could hug, but this is just a human relationship”
Probably many of those who blamed us could not forgive that they failed to convince others. After the school is closed, students come to visit me, continue to communicate with Sergey Alexandrovich (Bebchuk. — Ed.). I opened the Intellect Club, where I conduct online webinars, sometimes offline master classes. About the fact that it was customary at school for a student to kiss the teacher when entering the classroom is nonsense. This has never happened. Yes, with some of the teachers, the children could hug, but this is just a human relationship.
The story about Tanya Karston (the initiator of the showdown. — Approx. ed.) is monstrous. The girl was a very difficult child. I can’t say that she had a split personality, but she could talk about herself, for example, in the third person. She claims that Bebchuk harassed her in a bathhouse in a country house in Bobrovo (students often came to the director for additional classes on weekends. — Note ed.), while she later graduated from school, went on a hike with a man who allegedly came to her molested … Why? This is some kind of nonsense. This whole story is at the level of the children’s game «Believe it or not». They tell you something, and then you either accept it or not.
Izyumov turned to a lawyer two years ago. But he dissuaded him from applying. According to Izyumov, the lawyer argued the situation as follows: “If you don’t care about formal things, the possibility of further work at school, I don’t recommend you start — this will be a long-term process in which dirt will flow.” Izyumov assures: if the students sued, he would definitely take up the case.
We are not going to decide who is right and who is wrong. But we invite you to consider why known cases of violence are most often associated with closed communities, whether they be elite educational institutions or other associations of people.
Un pic de istorie
The case with the League of Schools is by no means isolated. In August 2016 in the center Moscow school 57 turned out to be: a history teacher was accused of many years of sexual relations with students. The victims managed to collect evidence and get the teacher fired. True, the question of whether the other teachers and staff of the school really had no idea about anything remained unanswered.
The problem itself is by no means new: the only question is that victims of harassment have more opportunities to talk about what happened to them. What they are doing — including as part of a flash mob #I’m not afraid to say.
At the hands of abusers endowed with power, members of closed communities have suffered and are suffering — those in which their own rules and norms often reign, unusual and even unacceptable to an outside observer. So, the sexual abuse of children by Catholic priests was talked about back in the 1950s. In the 2000s, a loud scandal erupted, based on which in 2015 was filmed «In the spotlight».
Such stories are not limited by time or geographic boundaries. Since 1991, more than 200 former students from 67 New England (USA) private schools have accused teachers and staff members of sexual harassment.
Why is this happening? What is wrong with private schools and closed communities like them?
Why can there be cases of violence in a special school?
The smaller, more elite and “special” the educational institution, the closer the teachers are to the children. The smaller the distance between the teacher and the student, the more often the boundaries are erased. On the one hand, such an attitude of teachers towards students flatters parents: their children are not just taught, they are taken care of. How to create a safe environment in special schools where teachers are friends with students, read the article process therapist Olga Prokhorova «A romance between a teacher and a student is incest».
What should alert parents when choosing a school?
Every parent wants only the best for their child. Therefore, they are ready to give fabulous money and torture the child with preparation for passing exams, if only to arrange him in a closed educational institution for the elite (elite schools, circles, universities, etc.). It seems that education is better there. It is impossible to argue with this: the smaller the educational institution, the more attention the teachers pay to each student. But there is also the other side of the coin.
Psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya sees closed groups as dysfunctional—groups that at some point take more from their members than they give to them. The main goal of such a group is to protect their status, for the sake of which a system of abuse (use) is built.
Petranovskaya identifies signs that should alert parents. If you notice at least three, it’s time to sound the alarm.
Ar trebui să fiți avertizat:
… if the members of the group (circle) consider themselves elected. If this chosenness guarantees success, career, victories, communication at a high level. If the group has its own rules, and the usual ones do not apply to it. “To be chosen is flattering and pleasant. This creates dependence on the group. The person loses his criticality. A basis is being formed for closeness and for justifying abuse.
…if circle leaders are trusted more than themselves. The Founding Fathers, the Leaders, the Elders, among the chosen ones are even more chosen ones who know everything and do everything right. Their authority is indisputable, they are smart, modest and selfless, with any question, doubt and complaint, you need to go to them. — Ordinary members of the group are explicitly or implicitly removed from decision-making. The subjectivity is already almost transferred, the hook is driven deep.
…if the group believes that being chosen is not only pleasant, but also difficult. Therefore, its members must: work hard, constantly develop, go through new levels, neglect family and loved ones, invest strength, invest money, tighten their belts and not complain (underline as necessary). — Usually, tests begin already upon admission to the group: you need to prove your “chosenness”. The higher the “entry price”, the lower the chance to leave without serious consequences. Members begin to be prepared to give more than they receive and serve the group.
… if the circle members are sure that they are envied. They don’t like us and they want to destroy our group, because: they envy, they don’t like the smart, they don’t like the beautiful, they don’t like the righteous, they don’t like our nationality, they don’t like our faith, they want to take our place, they want unconditional power, but we interfere. — Closeness is finally fixed, outside — enemies, let’s rally ranks, we live according to the laws of wartime, what are internal borders and human rights.
… if criticism of the circle is unacceptable. It is based on: rumors and speculation, exaggeration and distortion, a distorted perception of inadequate people, the deliberate lies of haters, a carefully thought-out conspiracy who want to destroy us (underline as necessary). – The necessary foundation for moving on to the next point, the complete shutdown of criticality and feedback.
…if those who talk about the problems of the circle are considered traitors. All problems must be solved within the circle, and those who “take dirty linen out of the hut” are traitors, informers, ungrateful, out of their minds, they want to promote themselves, they are puppets in the hands of enemies. There is a demonstrative persecution and expulsion of the «traitor» with the participation of the entire group. – Conditions for unpunished abuse have been created. Whom the skating rink will pass over, and who will be forced to be a skating rink, is a matter of chance.
Do you still want to send your child to such a group? Then weigh the pros and cons. “Risks can negate everything you get,” continues Lyudmila Petranovskaya. — Why a brilliant education for someone who is in a protracted depression? If there are more pluses, consider how you will control the situation and what you will do at a critical moment. Watch for changes in the child’s condition, try to keep abreast of what is happening, communicate with different members of the group, while maintaining a distance.
Members of the group consider themselves elected. This chosenness guarantees success, career, victories, communication at a high level. The group has its own rules.
If your child is already in such a group, what should you do?
“The main thing is not to criticize or scold the group and its leaders,” continues Lyudmila Petranovskaya. — The more you criticize, the more the child moves away from you and goes into the group. Try to maintain relations by any means, to preserve what unites you and your child, what pleases both of you. Your child will need your support when he has to leave the group (and this moment will come anyway). The child will be ill and will cope. If you suspect something criminal, be prepared to fight. Do not leave it just like that, even if the child is already safe. Think about other children.
If you are a member of such a group. Raise the conversation about principles, rules, priorities. Insist on transparent decision-making procedures, try to remain critical, and in discussions point out and question the paranoid “we are always right, that’s why they don’t like us” pictures. No «absorption without a trace.» No «loyalty to the end». Be critical of the leaders of the group — signs of adoration for their team, especially if they play along with this, even if they are pretending to be modest, should alert.
If for you this ends in conflict and expulsion from the group, then the sooner this happens, the better, the less your losses will be.
And further. If you suspect that the group is formally or informally run by a sociopath and there is no chance of changing this, leave immediately. If you have the strength, criticize from outside, help the victims and the expelled.”
How to protect children from such a group?
The most pressing question for all parents is how to protect the child, how not to overlook?
“There is no general recipe,” he says. Ludmila Petranovskaya. – It is impossible to fire all enthusiastic teachers from schools and leave only boring and boring ones, which children will definitely not reach out to. Therefore, carefully monitor the situation. Most often, elite and closed schools are games primarily for parents. It is they who want the child to study there, it is they who are afraid that he will be expelled because of a scandal or that the prestigious school will be closed. But what you can’t do is brush off the words of the child or blame him. Take what he says seriously. Trust him by default. You need to figure it out in any case, even if it’s just a fantasy. As for the Yasenev story, in my opinion, it is much harder than in the 57th, where we are talking about younger teenagers. And the consequences for children and educators could be more serious.”
«Main rule: school should not replace the family, says psychotherapist Irina Mlodik. — When this happens, the family ceases to fulfill its function. And then you should not expect close relationships or frankness from the child. Having replaced the family with a school, the child gets used to such a system of relations and will transfer it later to work, trying to build nepotism in the team.
A doua regulă — the child should feel protected in the family, know that he will always be supported, understood, accepted.
Cea de a treia — the rule should be promoted in the family: the body is sacred. You need to set clear personal boundaries — you can not wash the child or hug and kiss without his consent. Remember how at family gatherings, if a child dodges kisses with relatives, they shame him: it’s your uncle, kiss him. So it is impossible to say categorically. The child is free to decide whom to kiss. Much depends on the parents — if everything is in order with their sexuality and sex life and they do not transfer it to the child, then the attitude towards the body will be correct.
How to react to parents if the child admitted that he was molested?
If your child comes in with a confession of sexual harassment or sexual abuse, the key is not to brush it off, but to listen. What else needs to be done and how not to react in such a situation? The psychotherapist Irina Mlodik explains.
Cum sa reactionezi?
- First and foremost, you must at least believe the child. Do not say — «You make everything up.» Do not laugh at him, do not laugh it off, do not blame the child, do not shame, do not frighten — «What a nightmare, how could you (could)»!
Parents who react this way can also be understood — someone cannot accept the terrible truth because they love their child too much or are afraid to admit their failure as a parent, someone perceives the teacher as a person incapable of bad actions, after all, we are many years old. this is taught at school — the teacher is the main and infallible authority, and we do not understand that this is just a person and he can be sick, problematic. It is easier for parents to hide, to brush aside. But this cannot be done.
- Don’t deny the problem, even if it’s really just a child’s fantasy. Such fantasies do not just happen. This is a bad sign. A symptom that the child has some kind of hidden problem in relations with the teacher or study, the team. If a child acts out violence on someone, this may not necessarily mean sexual abuse, but any symbolic one. In any case, the psychologist will determine whether the child invents or not.
- Ask the child how it was, when, how often, who else participated or saw it, whether it was only with your child or not.
- Immediately go to the school administration to understand.
- Do not be afraid that by publicizing the case, you will injure the child. No, you are protecting him. The psyche of a teenager will suffer much more if his offender remains unpunished, and the crime itself remains unnamed. If you dismiss your child’s words, he will assume that every adult has the right to do this to him, that his body does not belong to him, that anyone can encroach on him.
Not to mention the consequences of sexual trauma, they are very serious and can cripple your child’s life. These traumas are very deep and can manifest later in the form of severe depression, drug use, alcohol, suicide, difficult personal and sexual relationships, inability to create a couple, family, inability to love yourself and your own children. You are causing irreparable injury to the child by not talking about what happened. Think about what is more important for you — not to lose a prestigious school or not to lose a child?
Text: Dina Babaeva, Yulia Tarasenko, Marina Velikanova