It would seem that if we can listen to ourselves, track our own feelings and emotions, this helps us to better understand ourselves and others. Nevertheless, these wonderful qualities also have a downside, when, due to excessive fixation on our own inner world, we are seized with anxiety and we live in constant expectation of the worst. How to come to balance?
Many of us live without hearing ourselves and our desires. Often this begins in childhood, when we try not to upset our parents and choose those activities and even future professions that they consider suitable.
This is partly convenient — we relieve ourselves of responsibility for making decisions. However, over time, we inevitably face the fact that we simply do not know ourselves. We do not understand what movie we want to watch, whether we are interested in reading this book, where to go on vacation, and whether we love our work. And we live the scenario of our life as extras, almost without experiencing emotions.
“For a long time I lived like in a dream,” Svetlana recalls. — I went to work, which I got bored with, and on weekends I was aimlessly watching and reading everything that the Internet had to offer. I was often tormented by headaches, the nature of which none of the doctors could explain, and I did not understand what I really wanted. Mom said that I have a stable job and I should stick to this place.
Everything suddenly changed when, in company with a friend, I went to yoga and began the practice of meditation. This interrupted my thoughtless running in circles and plunged me at last into the reality of my inner life. I began to listen to the signals of my body, and this gradually helped me to better understand my feelings. Excruciating headaches passed, I left work, went to India for six months, and when I returned, I already knew exactly what I wanted to do.
“In this case, it was self-reflection that helped the girl to recover in the broad sense of the word: to find her own way and get rid of migraines, which also did not arise by chance,” says psychotherapist Marina Myaus. — The state of separation from one’s «I» does not go unnoticed: over time, our body begins to inform us that physical health implies, first of all, emotional well-being.
The repression of our feelings turns into numerous psychosomatic diseases when we start to get sick, while no organic lesions are found. Therefore, it is necessary to analyze your internal processes: desires, motives, motivation. However, it is important to know the way back.”
Excessive focus on oneself gives perverted sensations and immerses in an illusory reality
Attempts to listen to oneself sometimes take the form of obsession, begin to wear an obsessive-compulsive character. Carl Gustav Jung was no exception, who studied the theory of ego states by immersing himself in the process of introspection — intensive observation of his own mental processes. This brought him to a state of neurosis and forced him to stop experimenting for a while. Often the passion for self-reflection is associated with an endless analysis of one’s own well-being.
“Since my close relative died of breast cancer, I can’t get rid of the feeling that something is wrong with me,” Marina admits. — I carefully study my body, and constantly it seems that I find dangerous nodules. Another check with the doctor says that I am completely healthy. This calms for a while, but then again the thought torments me: the disease is somewhere nearby.
“This is a classic example when the state of self-reflection ceases to be productive and begins to harm,” says Marina Myaus. “Excessive focus on yourself gives perverted sensations and immerses you in an illusory reality.”
“When the home pregnancy test was positive, I was very happy. For me, smells and tastes immediately changed, it even seemed that the body itself was changing, ”recalls Yana. — However, the doctor’s tests showed that I was not pregnant. And at that very moment, all suddenly acquired sensations disappeared.
Succumbing to even pleasant experiences, we nevertheless risk distorting the real picture of our lives. How to get out of the state of protracted self-reflection? Try an exercise in which you first praise yourself for being able to look deep into your Self, because this is an important skill that should not be lost. You have learned to hear and understand yourself — and this is your great advantage. However, now it is important to learn how to “emerge” from this state. To do this, try to shift your interest from inner experiences to the outer world.
“Let the focus of attention be drawn to everything that surrounds you at the moment,” the expert suggests. — If you are sitting at the table and drinking tea, concentrate on the taste of the drink, the comfort of your posture, the smells, sounds and colors around you. You can record it to yourself or describe it by keeping a special diary for this. Gradually you will begin to feel that you are in control of whether your consciousness is inside or outside. Both of these conditions are important for our emotional balance and well-being.”